Oh yeah and I downed a cup of coffee at 4pm today (technically yesterday) so I am still and wide awake even though I have been working 16 hour days this week AND my hubby is already sound asleep in bed.
Oh caffeine...I thought I was impervious to your powers in the late night but guess not.
Hopefully, there will be no more postings today. I do need the sleep...
Friday, November 5, 2010
Life with 2 cats...
it's been almost a year to the day since we brought Colonel Mustard and Mogwai home from Lollypop Farms in Victor, NY. These feline sisters have kept me company and brought me so much joy in the past year. Although they have gained quite a bit of weight, they are still soooo cuddly and cute.
Life with 2 cats...I love it!
Life with 2 cats...I love it!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Self-preservation
Self-preservation and the lack of it. That is mmy downfall in life and in career.
I need to focus on WHAT I WANT and be focused in the pursuit of it.
At home, I need to focus on what I want and not leave the responsibility of figuring what I want and need to the only other person living under the same roof. That is not how it works. I began to understand why it is sometimes perceived to be easier to live with a friend than with a close one; for me at least. With friends, I can put the facade of being okay and keep giving up, keep suppressing what I really want in exchange for the company of the other person (knowing the whole time that it will not last long). It is easy to tolerate and hold another person at bay when there is an inevitable end to the time together. However, with a close one, there is no end...the suppression becomes a nagging tick at the back of your mind and eventually you accidentally give in and explode over the smallest mis-communication. Why do couples who were friends first usually fare better? Maybe because they've had the time to accommodate each other. However, with the rate of divorce nowadays, who knows what the secret to a forever marriage is?
In regards to my career, it's the same old story with me in a different setting. I am currently in a situation where I let my bosses do as they may with my project(s) and 'career'. However, there is no overt animosity. They are silently given permission (by my lack of resistance and self-preservation) - they don't even know they're doing it. I roll along until there's something I can't stand or when someone else points out the flaw in our system - me.
I've been talking to my sister lately and it seems that she has some bad habits (personality-wise, career-wise, work-wise, etc...) as I did in my mid-20's. I believe it's hereditary...however, I do understand that is a little far-fetched because more likely it is because of our upbringing, what we witnessed when we were children, and what we promised ourselves that we won't become. As a close one once said, "we have a weak constitution". Weak constitution - how aptly that phrase describes the life sentence of the Lee family. I cannot continue to blame my parents for my personality flaws (although, honestly, I know I will not stop subconsciously but I will try to consciously stop 'this' bad habit). I can only hope that my brother who bears different physical characteristics than my sister and myself will also be spared this mental torment in his mid-20's.
I need to get some work done now.
I need to focus on WHAT I WANT and be focused in the pursuit of it.
At home, I need to focus on what I want and not leave the responsibility of figuring what I want and need to the only other person living under the same roof. That is not how it works. I began to understand why it is sometimes perceived to be easier to live with a friend than with a close one; for me at least. With friends, I can put the facade of being okay and keep giving up, keep suppressing what I really want in exchange for the company of the other person (knowing the whole time that it will not last long). It is easy to tolerate and hold another person at bay when there is an inevitable end to the time together. However, with a close one, there is no end...the suppression becomes a nagging tick at the back of your mind and eventually you accidentally give in and explode over the smallest mis-communication. Why do couples who were friends first usually fare better? Maybe because they've had the time to accommodate each other. However, with the rate of divorce nowadays, who knows what the secret to a forever marriage is?
In regards to my career, it's the same old story with me in a different setting. I am currently in a situation where I let my bosses do as they may with my project(s) and 'career'. However, there is no overt animosity. They are silently given permission (by my lack of resistance and self-preservation) - they don't even know they're doing it. I roll along until there's something I can't stand or when someone else points out the flaw in our system - me.
I've been talking to my sister lately and it seems that she has some bad habits (personality-wise, career-wise, work-wise, etc...) as I did in my mid-20's. I believe it's hereditary...however, I do understand that is a little far-fetched because more likely it is because of our upbringing, what we witnessed when we were children, and what we promised ourselves that we won't become. As a close one once said, "we have a weak constitution". Weak constitution - how aptly that phrase describes the life sentence of the Lee family. I cannot continue to blame my parents for my personality flaws (although, honestly, I know I will not stop subconsciously but I will try to consciously stop 'this' bad habit). I can only hope that my brother who bears different physical characteristics than my sister and myself will also be spared this mental torment in his mid-20's.
I need to get some work done now.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Conflict...
I have a departmental presentation today. After obtaining a Masters degree and then another one, I still do not believe I have conquered the fear of public speaking. My natural instinct is to become as vague and aloof as possible. I have been told that I seem disinterested in my project. Well, it's not far from the bullseye semantically because I am disinterested in presenting about my project. A distinction with a difference. However, it is par for the course and a necessary skill for our 'trade' - the business of doing science and sharing it with all of your colleagues. Sigh. I do hope that today's presentation goes well so that I may board my plane to Tampa (more in a later post) with peace of mind. However, I seriously doubt that outcome since it is standard procedure to walk away with more questions (asked by the audience or in response to one of their inquiries). C'est la vie. I am grateful for these opportunities of practice before the GRAND presentation to display my thesis work (my blood, gut, and life for the past 5 years) for criticism and judgement by the world (or whomever decides to come to the open forum). Back to final lookover and then off to practice judgement day!
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Wow.
So, it's been almost a full year since my last post. How did that happen? I have no idea. I read over the posts from last year and was reminded of how much I enjoyed writing about my random strings of thoughts. Now why did I stop? I believe it was school, work, holidays, more work, and even more work. It's ironic because it's precisely because of 'more work' that I now find myself back in my blog - I'm procrastinating! Well, only for a few minutes because I really must begin work on this presentation. Anyway, it has been really nice here weather-wise for the past few days and the forecast says there will be many more to come - yay!
Oh, one other thing that has been keeping me busy in addition to the normal work is the studying schedule of my husband. For the boards, he stopped tv watching, bar going, beer drinking, and friends socializing. I am really proud of him. Also, to take advantage of this block of non-extracurricular activity period, I decided to put in more hours at the lab - if not now, when? However, there was one issue - he used to do majority of the cooking. Thus, serendipitously, I find out that I am a pretty decent amateur cook when I took it upon myself to feed us in the past 6 months. The meal repertoire became repetitive at times but the next week I would look for new produce at the public market or or good ol' wegmans. Although my husband doesn't eat sweets, I also started baking and quite enjoy it - definitely enjoy the fruits of my labor! Cookies!
Speaking of cookies reminds me of another new adventure I've engaged in the past few weeks - learning to swim. Yes, I am a 29 year old learning to swim - first holding my breaths, then the kicking, next is floating and kicking, and lastly floating, kicking, and exchanging breaths. That's all it is, right? Well, technically yes. However, I seem to have difficulty adjusting to the change in water pressure in my ear. I've been going about once a week (that may be a problem in itself) and it takes me about 20 minutes to acclimate to the water temp and pressure. By then, I have about 15-20 minutes left to practice before the pool closes. I do hope I can improve my newly acquired aquatic skills this summer. However, this summer we are not planning on any beach vacations so I will not be able to test this new skill in the Atlantic Ocean (probably a good thing!).
Ok, dinner and work calls.
Until next time...
Oh, one other thing that has been keeping me busy in addition to the normal work is the studying schedule of my husband. For the boards, he stopped tv watching, bar going, beer drinking, and friends socializing. I am really proud of him. Also, to take advantage of this block of non-extracurricular activity period, I decided to put in more hours at the lab - if not now, when? However, there was one issue - he used to do majority of the cooking. Thus, serendipitously, I find out that I am a pretty decent amateur cook when I took it upon myself to feed us in the past 6 months. The meal repertoire became repetitive at times but the next week I would look for new produce at the public market or or good ol' wegmans. Although my husband doesn't eat sweets, I also started baking and quite enjoy it - definitely enjoy the fruits of my labor! Cookies!
Speaking of cookies reminds me of another new adventure I've engaged in the past few weeks - learning to swim. Yes, I am a 29 year old learning to swim - first holding my breaths, then the kicking, next is floating and kicking, and lastly floating, kicking, and exchanging breaths. That's all it is, right? Well, technically yes. However, I seem to have difficulty adjusting to the change in water pressure in my ear. I've been going about once a week (that may be a problem in itself) and it takes me about 20 minutes to acclimate to the water temp and pressure. By then, I have about 15-20 minutes left to practice before the pool closes. I do hope I can improve my newly acquired aquatic skills this summer. However, this summer we are not planning on any beach vacations so I will not be able to test this new skill in the Atlantic Ocean (probably a good thing!).
Ok, dinner and work calls.
Until next time...
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Summer at its end....
Summer 2009 flew. Flew by, like there is no tomorrow. I had a great summer - visited Bermuda, learned that I like cruising in the Atlantic, and began to appreciate the beach a lot more.
Read a lot this summer as well and realize that of all the talks of perception and perspective......I am lacking in such qualities. Or perhaps, I was right about myself, unable to maintain perception. There is a lot of good in this world but there is a lot of very bad in this world. It scares me that there is so many bad people, bad things. How can they possibly think it okay to do those bad things? As a scientist, I understand that there are biological/chemical reasons that would make one believe it feel good to do bad things. But how does a normal human being like doing bad things? Most people have a sense of right or wrong. Man, perhaps, we need a moral gene. It seriously just blows my mind how violent and cruel some people can be for no good reason. This may make me sound naive to those who don't know me. I am not naive. I know there's danger out there and how to be street-smart but I jsut can't fathom how this violence, this cruelty exists.
Sigh. Tired from all that. I am very content and appreciative of where I am living, what I have, who I love, and the time that I live in.
Read a lot this summer as well and realize that of all the talks of perception and perspective......I am lacking in such qualities. Or perhaps, I was right about myself, unable to maintain perception. There is a lot of good in this world but there is a lot of very bad in this world. It scares me that there is so many bad people, bad things. How can they possibly think it okay to do those bad things? As a scientist, I understand that there are biological/chemical reasons that would make one believe it feel good to do bad things. But how does a normal human being like doing bad things? Most people have a sense of right or wrong. Man, perhaps, we need a moral gene. It seriously just blows my mind how violent and cruel some people can be for no good reason. This may make me sound naive to those who don't know me. I am not naive. I know there's danger out there and how to be street-smart but I jsut can't fathom how this violence, this cruelty exists.
Sigh. Tired from all that. I am very content and appreciative of where I am living, what I have, who I love, and the time that I live in.
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